If there is anything we can call a ‘modern relationship’, it will be a romantic relationship in the 21st century with technology and robotic tutors and lessons scattered all over the internet.
A ‘woke’ relationship in the 21st century is expected to crawl with social media, like a plague of honour.
Many people find it difficult to separate reality from the fantasy of social media — nothing good comes out from that. It spirals down to the downfall of such a relationship. No hype to it!
Social media, however, is not all bad. Infact, social media has connected more than break-ups. It serves as a better means of communication and a replacement to letter writing.
The introduction of mobile phones, especially smartphones, had open doors to an easy life of communications. There is an upgrade to letter writing i.e SMS, chats, video calls, e.t.c.
It Saves stress, reduces loss of letters (some files get missing in the process of moving from a post office to another) and time worthy.
As much as we like the hype about social media and the influence it has on modern relationships, there are times to take a few steps back, and return to the basics or one can get swallowed by the big hole called ‘social media’.
The days of happily-ever-after are fast-leaving us as we delve more into social media. The rate of break-ups and divorce rises everyday with no concrete solution, leading into more broken homes, unhappy lives, neglected kids and emotional scars.
Social media has provided a lot of dating apps, both locally and internationally. There is Afroromance, Okcupid, Badoo, and the most popular ones: Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter.
A man on Twitter, Arinze Odira, revealed that he met his wife on the app. According to him, Twitter is a ‘community’. He posted a beautiful all black outfit pre-wedding picture on his page on November 3, 2020.
He also stated that his best man is a friend he met on the same app. His tweets reads: “I’ve met really wonderful people on this app, I’m getting married to someone I met on this app, my best man is going to be a great friend I met on this app too.
“It’s not just an app. It’s a community. It’s actually whatever you make it.”
A single mother in Texas, Emily, 27, narrates how she found it difficult to get a man ready to understand her baggage, especially when she has to talk about her child on a date.
According to her, their countenances always do the same; it changes. She said, with a dating app, all she has to do is: post her son and the information needed on the app. Whoever is interested is prepared for what she has, unlike when she has to face the attitude change in her dates.
Emily is currently married with her husband, with three children.
That being said, there are other experiences one wouldn’t want to go through. The insecurity that comes with the attention your spouse is getting online, or the attention he/she has on social media instead of their partners.
A 35-year-old married woman, Elizabeth Ozohua, narrates the psychological abuse she gets from her husband, who doesn’t own any social account on his smartphone.
According to her, her husband thinks she spends too much time on social media, the same social media he used to be addicted to, and anytime she tries to talk to him about him, he becomes cranky.
A modern relationship needs the balance of traditional attics and a technology influence.
Is social media bad for your relationship?
Well, it depends on the positive and negative effects it has on your relationship. No one can weigh that for you. You have to do that yourself.
Positive effects
The memories
Social media helps to build memories, from the day you both met, the dates, your fight days, your make-up days, everything will be documented. If you are the type who prefers the world to see it all, and your partner is all for it, then you are good to go. You can get your memories from social media.
Meet up with people
No matter what your marital status is, you need people around you. You need friends, business associates, you can even meet your significant person online.
Keep you connected with your spouse
How best do you want to maintain a great relationship from a long distance without social media? No WhatsApp, no Facebook? Couples do fun things together with the help of social media. You can make video calls, celebrate events together even when you are far away. Your spouse or partner might even be close but away to work or an event and you still crave for their attention. What do you do? You send a message. Social media keeps you closer.
Relationship experts
There are so many experts online, authors, and writers you can talk to, concerning a bugging issue in your relationship. They are always there to help.
Negative effects
Jealousy
This is a big deal especially when your partner watches your every move, knows everyone who is stuck on your page, liking all your pictures and commenting. It creates competition and insecurity.
Unhealthy comparison/unrealistic expectations
What you see online is not all true but people tend to combine reality with fantasy a lot. There comes the comparison. “See how he always showers her with gifts?”, “Can’t you see the way she dresses, can’t you dress like that?”
A sex and behavioural therapist, Chamin Ajjan, once said, “What you will mostly see are curated and filtered posts that only highlight unrealistic images of what a relationship is.”
Narcissism
The foundation of a narcissist starts from an obsessive nature of taking selfies and looking at it all day like your life depends on it.
Constant arguments
An insecure partner will always bring up arguments. When you deprive your partner of quality time, there will be problems.
Third party
Having someone you can talk to online is ok, but depending on them 100% is dangerous. They give opinions, which you don’t have to blindly follow without giving it a thorough thought.
Mental health
Social media has been linked to the rise of breakdowns in recent cases. This includes obsessive traits, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. All these can mess with your relationships.
Balance is key to a healthy relationship, there’s no manual to it!
