By SARAH CHUKUKERE
In the era of the Covid-19 virus, stringent methods like quarantine and social distancing will make us redefine and recalibrate our relationships. Mandatory quarantine which is being used across the globe to control the spread of the virus has the potential of putting immense stress on relationships as people end up being stuck in together in a sometimes uncomfortable situation with no options.
In this context, I am not just talking about romantic relationships, but relationships that involve a shared living situation which includes but is not limited to;
Married/unmarried couples living with or without children &/or siblings.
Friends or roommates living together.
Grown kids living with/or taking care of their aged parents.
This new living situation may be why there has also been increased reports of domestic violence around the world. One report from the UK says that there has been a 30% increase in reports on domestic violence. Though we were built to be social and live with each other, we were not programmed to be next to each other every waking moment of the day.
Consequently, there are several psychological effects that quarantine could have on an individual.
According to the Lancet review, “Most reviewed studies reported negative psychological effects including post-traumatic stress symptoms, confusion, anger and avoidance behaviour.
Stressors include longer quarantine duration, infection fears, frustration, boredom, inadequate supplies, inadequate information, financial loss and stigma.
Prolonged periods in situations where nothing changes can push people to turn inward. It is important to recognize these psychological effects and stressors in order to be self aware during and after the quarantine.
Frank McAndrew, an Evolutionary Psychologist on Knox College, Illinois says “For those unaccustomed to such introspection and rumination, the experience can lead to negative emotions, and in extreme cases, a blurring of the boundaries between what is going on in one’s own mind and what is actually happening around you,”.
In essence, seeking professional help with any emotional issues is advised through online counselling services like https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools?ref=MANI
STRATEGIES FOR COPING
Maintaining a good healthy relationship during this period will take a lot of willpower, patience & positivity. However, here are some not-so-obvious tips for coping.
1. The Rule of 4: For every 1 bad trait, think of 4 good ones: We all have bad traits we may/or may not know about, however the quarantine may become a magnifying glass on these traits. During this time, it is advised not to dwell on the bad traits, instead think about 4 other good traits the person has. Doing this as a regular mental exercise could help you maintain a good relationship.
2. Nostalgia: Think about the good times and spend a few minutes every day reminiscing about precious moments. Remind yourself of memorable events in the past or why you fell in love or have a deep bond. This can help you see how far you have come and, help you look forward towards a brighter future.
3. Pinch of salt: Instead of striving for a better partner by commenting on every single thing or mistakes , concentrate on avoiding or overlooking elementary mistakes or “take it with a pinch of salt” as they say. Know that you are also far from perfect and probably make your own mistakes too.
4. Fight to control your own negative reactions, this period is a great time for emotional learning to increase our emotional intelligence. Negative reactions to situations on make them worse. If the affront is one you can’t endure, then say something, but do it calmly without retaliating, because the negativity effect can quickly turn a small disagreement into a raging battle.
5. Take sometime out to play couples games. Most couples dont realise how much they dont know about each other rather, they usually assume certain things.
For example, a couples Q&A session could reveal that a boy friend actually does not prefer to sleep on the left side of the bed, but does so to make it easier for his girlfriend to sleep next to the window because she gets really hot at night.
In essence, this period will require a lot of kindness and patience with each other. However, If you feel threatened by your living situation please call the domestic violence help line in your country or reach out to friends, family or the Authorities.
Stay safe and be kind.
Not with noice making children who makes you talk and shout throughout the day until they go to bed!