When hope is dashed, both sides have a role to play

Dr. Aderonke Kujore Adelekan

According to J.R.R. Tolkien in The Lord of the Rings, “Where there’s life there’s hope,” but in reality, that is not always true. Hope is a feeling of desire, and expectation that something will happen but sometimes it is dashed, lost, killed, taken away, sometimes it vanishes and we must acknowledge its absence if we will ever hope to see it again.

It is normal for our hopes to be dashed. With so many ups and down in life, from time to time, you and I will come to periods when we loose a battle or the challenge is so significant that we come to lose hope. We find ourselves at a time of unfulfillment and in sadness, pain, anger, or other similar feelings because what we expected goes unfulfilled. I personally remember several loses in life when I was so sad and dejected that I wondered if better could ever be possible; for me I even got to a point where I wondered if life was worth living. Yes, today, more obviously in hindsight, I look back at that time and chuckle because what seemed so grave and hopeless is not only history but ended up being the stepping stone that I needed to enter into greater thriving. It is the same for many people.

Across Nigerian today, many have had their hopes dashed because the 2023 elections initially signaled hope for a new day in government and politics but as with all elections, the preferred candidate(s) for many people have lost the elections and it is difficult to accept for various reasons that are sometimes deeply personal. The immediate response for many is this feeling of unfulfillment, sadness, anger, frustration, and a loss of the hopefulness that brought several millions out to vote (many for the first time in their lives).

As I sat and watched the threats, tribal wars over chats and social media with people unfriending themselves, speaking horribly, forgetting decades of love and friendship, as I watched the stealing of ballot boxes, and people hurt or killed in their neighborhoods as Nigerians came out to cast governorship and house of rep votes this past weekend, it was evident to me that the hope Nigerians had on the morning of February 25, 2023 during the presidential elections had been dashed and redirection was essential before the feelings of sadness, hurt, and anger lead us to more negative scenarios.

My brothers and sisters, in order to curb the uprising of hate and destruction, it is important for those of us who no longer feel the hopefulness of February 25 to:
1. Acknowledge that we had high expectations for the current environment and our hope was dashed
2. Acknowledge that the feeling of pain, sadness, frustration or anger is normal but does not need to be allowed to grow, last long, or be the source of our actions.
3. Refocus these feelings on the positive and creative things that we can do to not only survive in the new reality but to thrive notwithstanding.

We will not always have what we want and expect but we can thrive notwithstanding. Research suggests that in times when hope is lost and one finds themselves in any of the less than pleasant feelings described above, it is a great opportunity to move forth with creative thinking and unique ideas to thrive notwithstanding. Let the loss be your motivation for greater good.

Similarly, those who won or saw their hopes realized, it is important that we remember to be human and offer a hand of empathy, brotherhood and sisterhood even when the recipients may not initially seem ready to receive. One of the most critical traits of good leaders is empathy. It is the ability to understand and share the feelings of other people. Being able to put oneself in someone else’s place as if you were them and feeling what they are feeling. It is also understanding the thoughts, feelings and emotions of another person from his/ her own perspective. It is a key element of emotional intelligence.

We have a common humanity, and we all know that no condition is permanent. We must therefore remember to never lose sight of the fact that we are all doing the best that we know how to with the chips that life has afforded us.

May we never be so unfulfilled that we lose our ability to offer or receive empathy for it is in empathy that humanity resides.

————-

Dr. Aderonke Kujore Adelekan is a leadership development expert, author, and philanthropist. A lot of her work is focused on raising a new generation of leaders who are ethical competent and have have a spirit for serving their nation. Aderonke00@gmail.com